June 25, 2012

HARINAWA (of holding this pen again)

I saw you last night.

In the usual hours when I used to hop around checking on you but to no avail, I was quite lucky I spotted you at nearly midnight. I saw you were seated at the place I used to hang around with the pushy young ladies trading goods with each other hoping to be a big time entrepreneurs in the future. Out of your awareness, it was me who invited you. And you were there before I arrived, sitting and smiling with the ladies I barely recognize.

I did not know what to feel. I thought that when I will see you, it would be like a normal hi and hello. I didn't expect the sudden rush of adrenaline in my system that even when I left the place, I was able to stay awake the rest of night doing all the odd chores I always escape in my daily routine. Your ignorance of my presence may have helped me act clubby with the people busying around. Albeit, I have acted like a ghost in a distant not having the courage to expose myself under the light in your space.

I saw you smiling and cracking around with your group. I saw you lifting that bottle of Jack Daniels with loud childish laughters that seem to soothe my dying memories. I saw the happiness and brightness you exude and for almost couple of hours sitting there snooping on you, I realized you're back in your kicking shape. 

I have blamed myself for a long time, for having to leave after believing in all the tales that crushed us before we even decided to. In my efforts to ease the pain inside me, I went sheltering in a godly soul that has nourished my then dying spirit until I got the strength to walk again the lane we decided to abandon. It was then that I heard you were doing well. I was happy to accept that even with out me, you found happiness again.

Until then.. I wish to tell you I found happiness too in its rarity.